


Revenge on a Car Napper

by Lady Divine (fhartz91)



Series: Kurtbastian one-shots [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Boyfriends, Don't copy to another site, Established Relationship, Future Fic, Humor, Light Angst, M/M, Revenge is Sweet, Romance, Vogue Employee Kurt Hummel, assumes Kurt and Sebastian met at Dalton
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 19:54:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30060714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fhartz91/pseuds/Lady%20Divine
Summary: After Kurt breaks an important promise to his boyfriend, Sebastian plans an appropriate revenge.
Relationships: Kurt Hummel/Sebastian Smythe
Series: Kurtbastian one-shots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2208840
Comments: 5
Kudos: 31





	Revenge on a Car Napper

Sebastian tries to be nice about it. 

“Kurt?”

He tries to be gentle. 

"Hey, Kurt?"

He tries to wake Kurt slowly, the way a loving boyfriend should.

"Ku-urt? Wakey-wakey... "

But when Sebastian shakes his shoulder for the fifth time and Kurt doesn’t even blink, Sebastian loses his cool. He shoves him over, hard enough to jostle his head.

“Kurt!”

Kurt snorts indelicately, sitting bolt up in his seat like he heard a gunshot.

“ _(Shn-ick)_ Wh-what!? What happened? What’s going on? Did someone hit us? DID YOU REAR END SOMEONE WITH MY BABY!?”

Sebastian rolls his eyes, pulling Kurt's Navigator to the side of the road.

“No,” he says, voice tight with a desperate need to sleep. “Your _baby_ is fine. We were supposed to switch off more than two hours ago!”

Kurt's eyes dart around the interior of the SUV, falling on the radio clock and blinking to bring the numbers into focus. He nods, arriving at some sort of silent understanding. “Right! Right, right, right… ” His eyelids flutter closed, head bouncing forward as he drifts back to sleep. Sebastian watches him nodding off and (seeing no other cars on the road, not that he'd really care if there were) slams his hand down on the horn.

Kurt’s eyes snap open, and he scrambles upright again. “I’m awake! I'm awake!”

“Come on, Kurt!”

“I’m sorry!”

“We had a deal! You knew you were supposed to take a shift! Why did you take that Goddamned Ambien to begin with?” Sebastian whines, quickly coming to terms with the fact that Kurt is probably in no condition to drive regardless of whether or not Sebastian is in danger of dying in his seat.

Which he is.

“You know I get sick on long car rides," Kurt says through only half his mouth and with one eye open. "It was either I sleep or I vomit. Which would you have preferred?”

“At this point,” Sebastian growls, teeth clenched, “I wouldn't care if we were swimming in your partially-digested dinner as long as I could put my head down for an hour!”

Kurt glares at Sebastian with disgust. “Ewww! That's an image,” he says, head dropping onto the headrest behind him, eyelid falling shut.

“Kurt?” Sebastian waves a hand in front of Kurt's face, trying to assess the consciousness of his drugged boyfriend. “Kurt?” 

Kurt’s lips part and Sebastian hears him snore softly.

“Kurt!? _Fuuuucccccckkkkkk!_ ” Sebastian jumps up and down in the driver’s seat, smacking the steering wheel until his palms vibrate with pain. His tantrum pauses momentarily when he surrenders to a yawn, realizing with dismay that he’s wasting the little energy he has left while on a road with no turnouts for him to pull over and take an emergency snooze.

Sebastian sighs, defeated. He puts the Navigator back into drive and resigns to keep going for as long as he can.

He'll find a way to get back at his boyfriend later.

An hour down the dark and lonely road, Sebastian’s mind swirls with ways he can exact revenge on Kurt. It might not be the nicest subject to dwell on, but for now, focusing on vengeance is the only thing keeping him awake. His eyes shift from time to time to peek at his selfish boyfriend resting comfortably in the passenger seat.

Bitterly, Sebastian pokes Kurt in the arm.

Nothing.

He smacks Kurt on the shoulder.

Still nothing.

He licks a finger and sticks it in Kurt’s ear.

Kurt shifts positions, mumbles nonsense. For a second, Sebastian is relieved, certain that a wet willy did the trick where all else has failed. But after a few unattractive grunts, Kurt settles down and starts to snore again. Sebastian changes lanes sharply. Kurt rolls toward the door, then flops back to his original position.

Not a stir.

“Un-fucking-believable.” Sebastian's eyes flick to Kurt, whose mouth has opened further, almost inhumanly, like a python unhinging its jaw to devour a rabbit.

“At least he’s not drooling. And thank Heavens no one _important_ is here to see this,” he declares loudly, still trying in vain to wake Kurt up. “God forbid your friends from _Vogue_ saw you with your mouth hanging open and your hair messed up.” He gasps dramatically. “What would Isabelle say?”

Sebastian's eyelids grow heavy, fighting to close, so he aims his face towards the cold air rushing in through the cracked window. With the frigid wind prying his lids open and its howling whoosh drowning out the wet rattle of Kurt’s snoring, he can think much more clearly.

And because he can think, he gets a nasty idea.

He pulls his iPhone out of its dock on the dashboard.

“I know you get angry when I use my phone while I drive,” Sebastian mocks an unconscious Kurt while activating his camera app, “but what you don’t know won’t bother you… _yet_.”

* * *

They reach their hotel a little after three in the morning. It’s too late for a dip in the hot tub to ease Sebastian’s stiff muscles, so he zeros in on the shower instead, determined to let the hot spray beat the ache out of him.

“I am so so so sorry,” Kurt repeats for the tenth time. “I totally… ”

“Forget it.” Sebastian reaches for his luggage, but a chipper and fully-energized Kurt swoops in and grabs it before Sebastian can pick it up.

“No, I was an ass. And I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

“How about you drive the rest of the way to San Francisco,” Sebastian suggests. “This way _I_ can spend seven hours sleeping this time.”

“Done,” Kurt agrees, kissing Sebastian’s cheek before leading the way to their room. “But in the meantime, why don’t you get the shower started… ” Kurt runs the keycard through the reader and unlocks the door, holding it open so a barely conscious Sebastian can stumble inside “... and I’ll join you in a bit to help _polish your doorknob_ … ”

Sebastian chuckles. _Polish your doorknob_ is their ridiculous secret code for an in-shower blowjob. It was a phrase they had come up with in high school so that they could talk about sex under their teachers’ noses and it kind of stuck.

Sebastian’s face lights up.

“You promise?” he asks, pulling Kurt into the room and wrapping his arms around his waist.

“I promise."

Sebastian smiles wider. “Swear on your entire collection of McQueen scarves that no matter what, you’ll come into the shower with me and… uh… _polish my doorknob_.”

Kurt’s eyebrows shoot up, surprised that Sebastian would feel the need to have him make such a promise. But seeing how badly he broke the last promise he made, he supposes it's only fair.

“Of course,” Kurt reassures him. “You know how much I love it. And after what you've been through tonight, you deserve to have your doorknob gleam like the top of the Chrysler Building.”

“Great.” Sebastian kisses Kurt on the forehead. “I’ll get the water started.”

“I’ll be with you in a second. I want to check Facebook." Kurt slides out of his coat. He fishes his cell phone out of his pocket and unlocks the screen. “Our East Coast friends should be awake by now. I want to update my status. Make them all pea green with envy.”

“You do that.” Sebastian grabs his toiletries and walks into the bathroom, maniacal grin on his face. He shuts the bathroom door and stands quietly behind it, listening to Kurt mutter as he checks his home page.

“Wow!” he calls out so Sebastian can hear. “I have thirty-two new notifications! We’ve only been gone for a day… _what!?_ ”

Sebastian throws a hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter.

“What the… ?” Kurt's voice grows more and more agitated as he flips through recent posts.

When he sees photos he was tagged in overnight.

There’s an unnerving beat of quiet, and then: “ _SEBASTIAN_!”

“Hurry up, babe,” Sebastian manages through guffaws. “You promised to come in and _polish my doorknob_.”

The bathroom door shakes violently with the force of the shoe Kurt throws at it. Sebastian jumps away from the door before something heavier follows. He undresses quickly, steps into the shower, and turns on the spray. 

So maybe he won’t get his blowjob. But for now, revenge feels much, much better.


End file.
